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March 2006

 


Where Does This Moment Find Me?

(continued...)

A. Molotkov


_________________________
 

In evaluating our progress in life, we must also consider our ultimate goals.  Things may have gotten better, but are we closer to where we wanted to be?  Or are we even further from that place than when we started? 

It took me a few moments to parse the shining image of my ultimate goal (known to me from my teenage years) into a verbal equivalent.  My ultimate goal is a combination of three things:

1.       Creating astounding art

2.       Being recognized by a significant international audience as someone who creates astounding art

3.       Making a living creating astounding art

And how am I doing on these three points?   

Goal 1 is an obvious prerequisite.  I am not a modest person, but I try to be honest.  I consider No 1 covered.  This comes with the obvious disclaimer of subjectivity, so anyone is welcome to disagree.  However, as an artist, I don't see how one could go by any other opinion than their own.  So, presumably these statements will not surprise anyone.  In fact, I believe that there would be no point in doing art (or anything else for that matter) if we were not convinced that our work is, or is going to become, astounding.   

Goal 2 is not doing so well.  There is some good news.  Some excellent critical reviews.  Especially as far as Discord Aggregate and our solo music projects are concerned.  And in general, it has become clear that there are smart and open-minded people out there who relate to this type of work very well.  Bad news is that only few among these smart and open-minded people have ever been exposed to this work.  Getting exposure…What do you do?  Do you pay or do you schmooze?   

Goal 3 is a complete zero.  There are two apparent ways to make a living as an artist.  One is to be an artist and to do your art and to try to get it out to an audience and then to get paid for it.  This is what happens after Goal 2 materializes.  The other way is to look for jobs based on other people’s ideas.  Things like ghost-writing, videotaping weddings, writing music for commercials, etc.  At some point I made what I think was a wise choice: not to pursue these opportunities.  If I were to earn my living as an artist, it would be through my own art.  Otherwise, I would make a living in some other area.  At least my artistic sensibilities would not be ruined by an unwanted touch of pseudo art.    

And so, this is where we are.  This is where I am, to be more specific.   

And what to do next? 

Sure, I will continue to write.  I am finishing a new book of short stories, “A Photocopy of My Soul”.  I will probably record another CD in a year or two (or three).  Doing “Can You Stay Forever?” was great fun, and I want to put together something very different next time.  I plan to spend the second half of this year doing a couple of video shorts, one of them probably a music video for one of the songs from Pamela Zero’s CD “Living Backwards”.  I have a lovely widescreen digital camera and a computer editing setup, which will make it such a pleasant return to this art form after using two not-quite-frame-accurate VCRs and an analog editing deck 10 years ago, while working on Discord Aggregate’s “Look at My Screen”.  (I plan to digitally remaster this collection of 6 films for DVD and web, amidst the rest of the video work.)  

These creative plans are obvious.  Once a committed artist, you can never quit.  Ask Sinead O’Connor.  Audience or not, an artist finds writing, composing, painting, sculpting the most meaningful thing of all.  In truth, the process of creation may be as meaningful or as pointless as any other human activity, or more, or less - but its addicts will never give it up.  They will keep working until something as inconvenient as death stops them.  Ask Kafka.   

But just because this outcome is not unacceptable, it doesn't have to be accepted just yet.  And therefore, what should I do on a practical level so that I do not die an unknown great talent?   

This is the question that I find myself pondering these days.

 

 
          


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