YOU ARE NOT HAPPY.
LIFE IS UNEXCITING.
YOU GET ON THE SUBWAY AFTER WORK, YOUR RIGHT FOOT SOAKED BY THE OIL PUDDLE THAT YOU STEPPED IN WHILE AVOIDING AN ON-COMING CAB. A CONSTRUCTION WORKER RAISES HIS LEFT ARM NEXT TO YOU, EXPOSING AN ARM-PIT THAT YOU SWEAR HAS 50 ROTTEN SCALLIONS GROWING WITHIN IT, OR SO IT SMELLS. HE PICKS AT HIS TEETH WITH THE EDGE OF A MATCH BOOK WHILE A HEAVY-BREATHING, SWEATY, LARGE MAN IN A SUIT CLIPS HIS FINGERNAILS TO YOUR RIGHT. ON TOP OF THIS, THE TEMPERATURE IN THE CAR REACHES 100 DEGREES AND YOU CANNOT LOWER YOUR ARM TO FAN YOUR FACE BECAUSE THE TRAIN IS SO PACKED. THE TRAIN STOPS.
THERE ARE NO ANNOUNCEMENTS. NO APOLOGIES.
WHEN YOU ARE NOTHING, THERE ARE NO APOLOGIES . . .
AND YET IT COULD BE DIFFERENT BY CHOOSING . . .
NON-ZABDA'S
LIFESTYLE PROGRAMMING SERVICES
THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS, IT COULD BE DIFFERENT. OVER THE COURSE OF HISTORY, BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF LIFESTYLES HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED AND PRACTICED (SOME POPULAR, SOME HARDLY EVER USED!)
AND WE HAVE THEM!
ALL OF THEM!
THAT IS RIGHT FOLKS! JUST BROWSE THROUGH A 16,000 PAGE CATALOG OF ALL THE DIFFERENT LIFESTYLES EVER LIVED . . . AND SELECT ONE THAT BEST SUITS YOU!
LOOKING FOR THAT PROMOTION? HOW ABOUT NAPOLEON? OR MAYBE POL POT. TRYING TO LAND THAT LOVELY LADY? PERHAPS A LITTLE CASANOVA OR DON JUAN WOULD DO THE TRICK!
IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE, FOLKS! WE EVEN OFFER PACKAGE PLANS THAT ALLOW YOU TO PURCHASE UP TO 5 DIFFERENT LIFE-STYLES TO BE USED INTER-CHANGEABLY OVER THE PERIOD OF TWO MONTHS.
SINCE LIFE-STYLE IMPLANTS ARE TEMPORARY BY THEIR VERY SENSITIVE NATURE, NON-ZABDA OFFERS ANNUAL PROGRAMS AS WELL AS WEEKLY, BI-WEEKLY, AND MONTHLY PERSONALITY-JUMPSTART DOSES.
EITHER WAY, YOU CAN AVOID EVER BEING YOURSELF AGAIN!
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