AT LAST IT HAS HAPPENED!

EBERT IS DEAD.  FOR ALL FILM LOVERS ALL OVER THE WORLD THIS IS A DAY OF TRIUMPH!  CONGRATULATIONS EVERYONE!  TOO BAD SISKEL COULD NOT GO WITH HIS ACCOMPLICE.

IN RESPONSE TO THE REQUESTS OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY, NON-ZABDA CONSIDERING RELEASE OF EBERT'S THUMBS.  NEGOTIATIONS ARE NOW IN PROGRESS.  TO ENSURE THAT YOU HAVE THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION, VISIT THIS WEB PAGE EVERY MINUTE!

AT LAST IT HAS BEEN DONE! (entry from the recent past)

THE FOUR IRRESPONSIBLE THUMBS OF DICKLESS AND RETARD . . . (SORRY, THAT IS SISKEL AND EBERT) HAVE BEEN CORRALLED, TRAPPED FOREVER BY NON-ZABDA IN AN EXCITED JAR (IT TOO WANTED TO SEE THE END OF MISINFORMED CRITICISM!)

YES FOLKS . . . WE ARE AFRAID THAT THIS MAY MEAN THE END OF THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS ENCOURAGING YOU TO VIEW SOME OF THE WORST FILMS EVER MADE:

"A FUNNY FILM THAT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER!"

"I LAUGHED UNTIL IT HURT!"

"THE SPECIAL EFFECTS WERE AMAZING!"

AND OF COURSE . . .

"TWO THUMBS UP"

BUT NOT ANYMORE!

WE UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES . . . MILLIONS OF PEOPLE STUCK IN FROZEN MOTION, UNCERTAIN IF THE NEW JIM CARREY FILM IS WORTH SEEING, OR IF ALICIA SILVERSTONE TURNED IN A BREATHTAKING PERFORMANCE!

AND FOR THIS, WE ARE NON-SORRY!