The dead squares inhabit the lands that lie along the road to Assyria.
No no no no no no you
don't want to find yourself in those parts. Not under any circumstances!
But maybe it will happen someday. The trajectories are unpredictable, the locations undetermined. We are everywhere at the same time.
This is a concise Guide for a traveler on the road to Assyria.
You know who gets to travel, don't you? Of course you do. But anyway . . . While this Guide is put out independently, we appreciate the labor of certain traveling agencies that are bold enough to promote trips to Assyria (or, rather, the attempts to take such trips). We include here the message prepared by one of these agencies, Assyrian Travels, Inc.:
So there we have it, do we not? That indefinable chasm that bridges sedentary thought with the active static rumbling beneath the emotional floes of brain, exists in the present form on the road to Assyria. It is tangible, or else there would be no reason to attempt the trek. Its very glue cements the idea in the homogenous sub-conscious of all living beings (by this we mean to say, "All beings that are alive"), landing feet first in the thyroid, which will then ignore all other necessary bodily functions until the urge to depart is relieved. It is that strong, folks.
This is not meant to stress the physical limitations one experiences after being stimulated by radical impulses that insidiously invade the being. Quite the contrary, really. Since the transition generally affects the adrenal glands more directly, it is a fact that these glands dispense unusual quantities of adrenaline, along with powerful endorphins and other unknown derivatives thereof, throughout the traveler’s body. This more than compensates for the lack of performance by the thyroid. In fact, with the injection of these "super-endorphins", one will find that there is no level of difficulty, be it mental or physical, that could be considered insurmountable. One finds oneself oblivious to low levels of pain, tolerant to insubordination; and assumes an overall demeanor that can be characterized as passive-aggressive.
Seemingly, both characteristics are requisite for the abrupt psychological invitation to travel, and thus they are encouraged in all forms. Since we have never taken this trip ourselves, it would be irresponsible on our behalf to suggest that we are correct, but we do offer a course on Assyrian travel which is based solely upon the scientific findings of analyzed traveling specimen. In other words, it is our firm belief that the key to Assyrian travel lies within the body, not in the mind.
If you fully understand our position in the matter, and wish to try yourself, please fill out a waiver form (and pay a nominal fee!) - and we will begin your training immediately. One can expect to learn both the relaxation and the disturbance techniques, in order to nurture a synthetic balance within. Super-sensitive isometric calisthenics are incorporated to provide latent energy in your muscles. We will also provide a weapon (for a nominal fee!), in order to further promote the possibility that you will make it to Assyria. There is no positive record yet of anyone who has reached Assyria. Do not let statistics discourage you, however! Think of the list of people who have tried and failed:
Attila the Hun
The Archduke Ferdinand
and (hopefully!) you!
How else could you become associated with these celebrities? You will find many more in the Assyrian Travels book of records. So come on, what are YOU waiting for? Come down for a comprehensive retelling of the story of Assyria, dead squares and all! Be the first traveler to make it there!
To begin traveling, it is essential to understand the nature of the sole inhabitants of the area along the road, or the dead squares.
The dead squares exist in three capacities:
1. The anti-souls of those deceased.
2. The actual geometric figures.
3. Their skills in reducing any area in time to a combination of squares.
(It would appear strange to classify the skills the dead squares possess as one of the forms in which they exist. However, it is traditional in deadsquarelogy to do so, due to the fact that in many respects the skills exist independently of the dead squares themselves.)
Later, we will return in more detail to this classification.
The traveling begins at the beginning point. The first dead squares stay behind the border that separates the road and surrounding it area from the rest of the world. They await the start of your journey. It is essential not to submit to the natural feeling of apprehension and even fear in view of the approaching contact. The dead squares are not intrinsically malevolent, and it is usually their true desire to help you through your trip. Yet, they are creatures of another world. This is why it is important to keep one's common sense.
Of course, your goal is to reach Assyria. For obvious reasons. So you better do your best!
Since no communication with Assyria has been achieved yet, we do not possess sufficient information about those who have made it there. Indirect evidence, however, suggests that there remains a number of survivors. As vague as this information may be, it is the principal source of encouragement for a modern-day traveler.
A traveler who fails to attain Assyria, is, as it has been reported, more than likely just trapped within the areas surrounding the road. Such persons are safe and out of danger, having undergone a transformation into dead squares. Although it might have been as unpredicted for them as the necessity itself to take the trip, the transformation per se is also painless. We will return to this issue on the following pages.
There have been many stories about people who had allegedly succeeded in their travels, but much of this remains unsubstantiated at this time (due in part to the limited amount of information about the actual number of travelers, since, as we know, a person can just get up and leave for Assyria at any time. The urge is this strong, folks.)
But of all the stories and legends, one remains the most popular. Its protagonist has transcended the level of ordinary to that of myth, a myth that has not died. In order to protect the privacy of his family, we will refer to him as Azcantilla.
One night, Azcantilla was seen purchasing a pack of cigarettes at the kiosk located in the lobby of his apartment building. This has been reported to the police as the last known record of his existence in this realm - a fact that incurred a great amount of speculation. The kiosk’s proprietor states that Azcantilla appeared before him around 5:30 p.m. on the night in question. He was dressed in full camping regalia.
"Where are you going?" The man behind the counter asked.
"I am going somewhere where I shall never return from, if I make it there to begin with. But I must leave immediately, if not sooner. The cigarettes will mark the last purchase that I make from you, and for that, I am grateful. I must go now, to where the broad horizons beckon. Thank you once again for being so kind," Azcantilla said.
And from this point on, who knows . . . No one can find the road unless they know where it is. And if you do not know this, then you do not know this. Simple.
There has been a report of a dwelling in Selance (just northeast of the entrance to the final path leading to the beginning point of the road), in which an elderly man lives. He maintains that a weary traveler dressed in the same manner as Azcantilla was described by the kiosk operator, begged to be taken in, as this was to be the last time he would see someone on this side. Geometry not being one of his stronger suits, the man in Selance could not reckon what side Azcantilla was speaking of, but after sizing him up displayed no reluctance in offering a place for him to stay. The quest revealed signs of deprived disillusionment, often referred to as the tell tale sign of departure for most travelers (it is requisite, this disillusionment, for one cannot enter the road properly under normal circumstances).
Azcantilla laid his gear beside a cot and slept. For days. Four days. Until 3:27 a.m., Selance time. According to his host, who insists that his memory is perfect, Azcantilla woke up, got up from the cot, waved good-bye, and left the house.
Scientists and other members of the intelligentsia came to Selance in droves trying to find the entrance, and less importantly, what became of Azcantilla.
Apparently, mere speculation will never be enough to lure someone to Assyria, but how can it, really, when so much is at stake? A-ha, but are we speculating? The word has been that the family of Azcantilla did receive a card from him, saying:
"All is fine. stop. I cannot tell you where I am because you know where I am. stop. Do not try to find me. stop. You will find not me."
Thus, the legend continues.
It is important to stress the significance of the first denomination of dead squares. What are anti-souls? This question in itself presents a puzzle for an average mind, having been a topic of over twenty years of scientific debates and discussions. Briefly, anti-souls are entities, which, combined with the souls of those who pass away, produce the absolute zero. Therefore, being in many respects very much alike souls themselves, they lead to annihilation of souls once brought in contact with them. This is the danger of anti-souls, and, in conjunction with other characteristics of the dead squares, the principle source of fear that they have always created, especially since it has become obvious that anyone at any time can face the possibility of traveling.
Any modern-day traveler must be aware of the aforementioned facts. Moreover, it has been reported that even the souls of those still alive may undergo annihilation if their resistance is insufficient. Such persons transform into soulless zombies driven through life by the motor skills of their muscles. Due to the general lack of spirituality we witness these days, many zombies fail to be discovered by those around, and are perceived as normal citizens. Not specifically dangerous when taken separately, in great numbers these zombies can cause significant problems, unwittingly preparing the take-over - a goal that is innate for the dead squares, even though most of them are completely unaware of this. Once the amount of zombies exceeds half of the earth's population, their soulless bodies will be erased, thus adding to the energy supply of the dead squares. This energy will be used to create new zombies, and so on. The great advantage the dead squares possess in this respect is in their exceeding numbers. Indeed, it has been suggested that their current population is ten times greater than the human population of this planet. Therefore, they can easily afford losing a part of themselves in order to get rid of human presence. Collective thinking is widely spread in their world, and personal sacrifice is not only a natural occurrence, but something everyone would subscribe to with full enthusiasm.
This makes it clear why it is so important that traveling should continue. Once ample amount of humans reaches Assyria, it will become possible to create a defense strategy in the undeclared war with the dead squares. (As it has been already mentioned, it cannot be called a war in the full sense of the word: the dead squares are rather benevolent to the travelers, and their parasitism is both unconscious and unsubconscious, quite alike that of a carnivorous plant or of a blood-sucking insect. There are reasons to believe that the dead squares have no idea about the consequences of their contacts with humans.)
To illuminate these facts from a different perspective, we continue with the testimony of a former traveler, whose fate offers a convincing example of the danger presented by the dead squares:
Can I draw you a map? I hardly think so. Why? Well, for instance, any notion regarding the dead squares offered by one traveler, may be refuted by another. There is no precision quite yet in determining the layout of the road to Assyria. It is the random control of negative nature that propels us. What? You want to know the meaning of negative nature? Why, it is simply the opposite of positive nature!
As it is known in conventional deadsquarelogy, we, the dead squares, are obligated to leave little room for hesitation based on inaction and procrastination. This forces us to work in unison, which can be quite sophisticated really, when one considers that the overall duration of the road to Assyria increases with the addition of every new dead square. (As I'm sure you know, dead squares are the result of unsuccessful travels, or, better put, unsuccessful travelers.) This new measurement is defined by the square circumference of the space inhabited by the traveler just prior to capitulation, and not by his personal size, the age, and the like.
And yet, the road still thrives. Have people made it to Assyria? Come and find out! I certainly have not, since if I had, I would be speaking to you now as a citizen of Assyria, and not as a dead square. But being a dead square is not so bad! If you are keen, like myself, you can manipulate your surroundings by targeting a traveler for termination. I happened to target a female (who wishes to speak with you briefly):
"Please, let me out of here! This thing is a maniac! If someone devises a method of extricating people from the square plots, please find and help me. This is the most miserable experience that I have ever had. I would kill myself if I only knew how! Please! Save . . ."
Terribly, terribly sorry about that. I believe that she is having a bad day. As I was saying, things could not be better in the life of a square.
So how do you get here? Why, you just leave. I just left and now I have arrived.
That day it was supposed to rain, and I knew that because my knees were swollen. Tore the shit out of my ACL back when I was a high school football player. Never could a rainy day pass that I wouldn't feel the throb of damaged nerves and bone, weighed down by the heavy, moist air. I was a human barometer, forever providing the forecast by my increasingly hampered gait.
I awoke by the side of my wife, who customarily slept late. I recall the way her tiny nose gasped with each little breath. Her chest would rise and fall like the sea, and I remember the temptation of going back to sleep as a result of its hypnotic movement.
But something more significant pushed me from the bed that morning, so I got up, baked a sandwich or two (that day, I believe I did bake two), and left. I don't know where I was walking to, but when I got there, I just knew that I had gotten there. A warm flush rushed up through my body, as though I finally remembered something I had been thinking about for quite some time. This euphoric distraction is what caused my early departure from the road, since I neglected to carefully consider where I was stepping. You got it, pal! Stepped right in it!
Lines trembled into curves, which trembled into tiny lines, and then, upon final review, into little squares. I broke apart and then came back together instantly, filling myself with the tiny squares that would metamorphose inside my body. Right angles everywhere! Angular bliss! And here I am now, a correspondent to Assyria, a technician and a doctor of deadsquarelogy.
I would imagine that most people who want to go, do not. This is okay since we do get more than enough attempts per year. Everyone, from famous people to less than significant, have tried their hand (or rather their foot) at the travel technique.
So let yourself become free by snapping the shackles that bind you to the predictable course (or curse?) of your life! Good Luck!
So you better be careful while you travel! If you don't take care of yourself, who will?
To fully understand the complexity of the problem we are facing, it is essential to trace the history of dead squares, and of the road to Assyria as the location of their dwelling. What is Assyria? Many hypotheses have been offered, but the one that appears most believable is as follows:
Assyria is a place separated from our world by a certain distance in time. Unlike the time as we know it, this concept employs vertical time, or, in other words, a direction in time that is independent of the one-dimensional past/present/future line we are familiar with. Time becomes a function of two variables, each moment as we perceive it comprises an infinity of moments of vertical time. To travel on the road to Assyria, one needs to stay within a moment, moving along in vertical time.
To understand this paradoxical notion, it is helpful to examine the legend of the First Traveler - the person to whom we owe the existence of Assyria, the road to Assyria, and the dead squares. (Other sources suggest that all these had existed eternally, and the role of the First Traveler was in opening the entranceway into the world of vertical time, through which the dead squares are now subtly attempting to invade our world. For all practical purposes, this is insignificant.)
And so, the legend:
The First Traveler was a man (in other versions, a woman), who set for himself (herself) a dangerous goal: to prove that time as it was known, was only an artificial concept created for the needs of everyday life. (For the sake of objectivity, we will alternately utilize masculine and feminine terminology while relating his story.) Driven by this idea, she started his experiments. To stop the time as we know it and to travel in the perpendicular direction, she resorted to a number of powerful drugs, which, after some experimenting, rendered his perception of time rather incompatible with that of most humans. But it was not until later that she first realized how to break through the singular dimension of time. Once this happened, he set to work.
We must interrupt the legend to bring to you the message we have just received from Assyria. Mind you, this is the first definitive proof of communication with Assyria that has been ever produced.
One one one one one one one two two two two two two one one one. Two two two two two two one one one one two two two two. Essence of traveling in traveling no essence without. Essence of dead squares within dead squares. Essence of Assyria within Assyria. Essence of time in perpendicular direction. Always remember. Always remember. Always remember. Always remember. Seek deep within your flesh for all answers.
The authors of this concise Guide, along with the world's foremost deadsquarelogists, are now commencing the interpretation of this message. Back to the legend:
Upon stopping time almost completely, she discovered that despite of this, a movement of time still continued unimpeded - a feeling, as described, quite alike the effects of some commonly used drugs, only much more distinct in this case. This is how he embarked on the hypothesis that so-called psychological time, which had always been considered merely an inner imperfection of a human brain, is in fact (or is related to) vertical time, whose significance in the structure of the Universe is yet to be discovered. Moreover, she predicted that traveling in time, which until now has been a monopoly of the science fiction genre, will become as real as traveling in space, once vertical time is fully explored and understood.
We do not possess sufficient information regarding the further experiments the First Traveler conducted. The rest happened rather quickly. This is how he acquired her name.
This Guide cannot be continued without revealing the essence of the second interpretation of the dead squares, to which they owe their name. Science has proved that the dead squares reveal many a feature of actual geometrical squares, or, more precisely, squares in time, once time is perceived as a function of two variables. The dead squares differ in sizes: they range between 30 seconds and 2 hours, 11.5 minutes being the average size. In many respects the size of a dead square is irrelevant, but for a traveler on the road to Assyria, it is important to remember that bigger squares are more dangerous in terms of the powers they possess to force a traveler to undergo the transformation into one of them.
This introductory information is, ironically, almost everything that is known about the dead squares as geometrical figures. Some more ideas will be related in this Guide, but now we must discuss a topic that directly pertains to the above.
The ability of the dead squares to cover any area in time at any location in space, is in a way the most dangerous of their features. The traveler subjected to such time depravation, becomes a dead square instantly. No antidotes have been found so far to undermine the effect of this depravation.
The only safe way of dealing with the situation is in trying to ensure minimum presence of dead squares in the area close to you during your traveling. The locations of high dead square activity should be avoided. Fortunately, as easy as it is for them to cover considerable distances in time, it becomes infinitely harder to maintain the block during space, if we are allowed to switch terms like this. In other words, continuous movement is highly recommended, and the higher its speed, the slimmer is the possibility to be contaminated by the dead squares.
For the dead squares themselves time is slow, and floats in all directions. Forming into motionless waves, it surrounds them and rocks them in time-stop cradle. Embracing all imaginable colors, it wraps them with rainbow blanket. The approach of a human causes undesirable disturbance in a dead square's perception of time, thus activating its subliminal aggressive capacities. Essentially, a dead square is unaware of its role as a trap for a traveler: the time fields do the work.
Well known is the beautiful legend of the square dance - the dance dead squares perform in the stream of time. We quote here the most "official" version of the legend:
Dip your corner into the stream. Dip it deep. Deep as sun. Let it float by, washing off all. Let all be washed away. Let be, after everything is gone. Then be, really be. Stop the time. Move within one moment. One moment like many locations, time measured as distance.
Dance. Move two minutes to the right, and then two minutes to the left. Then move one minute up, and return to the original position. Do it repeatedly within the span of one mile. Describe a square, creating the temporary zone of your dwelling. Continue dancing. Try to increase your dancing floor to 20 - 25 sq. minutes. Leap as high up as three minutes.
Dance. Squares dance, the dance is mine, dance with us, dance in time, time is dance, dance in one, dance with me, the dance is done. Dance again, dance in squares, leave the rest unawares, dance with us, dance with me, let the dancing make you free. Dancing all, dancing bold, dancing through the time that's old, through the memory and love, minutes dripping from above.
- and so on.
Obviously, we can see that, evocative as it is of some general ideas regarding the dead squares, this legend is not altogether precise. Namely, time and space do not actually replace each other, or if they do, then only in a more subtle, more sophisticated manner. Or at least such is the opinion of the world's leading deadsquarelogists which of course may not be altogether accurate, since we have already confessed just how scarce the information available about the dead squares really is.
Anyway, back to more factual information!
As it has been explained, traveling on the road to Assyria is in a sense traveling within one moment. This hints us to understanding of how difficult and sometimes impossible it is to examine the issue of the road, and of the dead squares, in conventional terms. Special square-related terminology exists in academic circles, but it is far too demanding of the reader to be related here. Much of deadsquarelogy is described by complex mathematical formulae, whose meaning can be understood only by a professional. Therefore, for an average traveler, we are forced to summarize the data at our possession, thus withholding some technical information.
The principal danger of traveling is in stopping within the moment of traveling, which, as we know, often incurs transformation into a dead square. This is why one should be always persistent in continuing uninterrupted motion in vertical time. REMEMBER: any stop can cause the death of your identity! (We have explained above why moving in space is also helpful. However, it may not always be possible, and many a case of space depravation have been reported, which designates the ability to travel only in vertical time, but not in any other dimensions of the time-space scale. Under these conditions, a traveler’s current momentum must be sufficient to cross a square’s energy field without being sucked in.)
Meanwhile, the interpretation of the message from Assyria is continued. The initial impression is not unanimous: some specialists believe that the meaning of the message is altogether negative, and suggests impossibility of fathoming the nature of dead squares by the humans, until the latter cross the line and cease to be such. Others are convinced that the message implies the existence of an easy answer, which should be sought within ourselves rather than in the outside world. The debates are still in progress.
Now that we have related at least some of the general ideas pertaining to the time qualities of the dead squares, it may be useful to present an excerpt from "The Introduction to the Square Time" - a rather ambiguous publication written by a group of anonymous authors, part of whom are reportedly human, the rest dead squares. Although some of the terminology used herein might be puzzling for an average reader, we still hope that this fragment will offer a hint of self-preservation useful to any traveler:
"The arrangement of time shall begin this way:
1. Any interval of time that is considered a constant state of unused energy in an excited circuit, will forever be referred to as one second. In this capacity, one will be able to determine subtle vibrations in the atmosphere, alerting one to impending doom.
2. Building anxiety (supplemented by the imminent realization of human catastrophe), is to be understood as an information gap, forcibly engaging one in the universal transmission of messages. Inevitably, bending the finite cosmic rules will forever be known as more than one second. This compensates the traveler for the physical deficits that are acquired throughout humanhood, providing him with an alternate means of dead square recognition.
The combination of 1 and 2, augmented by the instinctive need to live and to die, is the utmost insinuation of the deja-vu premonition or the internal response to external stimuli, both past and future. The deja-vu premonition is the advancement capability that has not, until recently, been available for usage. It terminates and prolongs subliminal messages that have and have not been transmitted, allowing the traveler full use of the body faculties. Now, let us begin a step by step reenactment of a journey one may take.
Walking throughout the astral black forest, in unison, their eyes twisting, cross ways, keeps you focused. There! The ground begins to slither away from its sedimentous guts, moving towards you, absorbing. Quick! Dead squares! What do you do? Right! One second!
There is a corner drifting behind the stagnant landscape of altered horizons that is taking shape as you think. The perplexia arrives dutifully, brought about by corrective neuron synapses, upon which you stabilize the outstanding statements that are concocted inside the jelly stew of your deteriorating brain. So, when the corner is in full revolution, shifting matter from this side and that, the most rudimentary response to such unsophisticated data is to be? - That's right! More than one second!
You appear to be getting the picture now, and I, as your humble guard, can appreciate the progressive stain of knowledge that congeals about the shocking exterior of your skin. The voices that come in clear over the loudspeakers were not your conscience, but me, your hideous mass, taking out the mental garbage that is scheduled to be picked up today, the day of your arrival. You knew you were coming, or else you would not be here. Yes, this is a very deceptive side effect of the grand deja-vu premonition. It takes you to the places you have visited but did not want to go to, leaving you there in naked vulnerability, nurturing the sedated crescent dreams saturated by the desire to arrive, until, most suddenly, you realize that in fact, you are there, right when you wanted to be. You cannot consider the time increments of standing around in any other fashion than this, lest you wish to fractionalize with the premonition itself (thus splitting the demon from the angel), sending them in opposite directions, which leaves you devoid of any natural existence.
No successful traveler to Assyria can compute without the essential vivid equation of premonitions with second-to-more situation tables. You see. I, as your vaunted leader, have spent many a day searching for the answers, even if there aren't any. Yet, I still search. This is how I found the two men who were chafing, unbelievable as it was, in the very same deja-vu premonition that I bore you in. They leaned against the force of the tree, back to side, pacing in place, waiting until they could chafe no more. But these were artists who had obviously spent many a second or more perfecting their craft in silent, lucid hopes that this bout with dementia would possibly unlock the door to Assyria. I knew then, as I know now, that one layer of lament will get you nowhere. If it is chilly, then one must put on as many layers as one can find. If it is not so chilly? Good Show! More than one second!
Whether or not it is clear enough now, it will certainly become clear later, as all things do, once brought into the realm of unwanted subversion of mental illustrations.
As your delirious mommy, let me wean you on this: no one has lost by not winning, until they realized that losing is not winning. If you wish to go forward, then expect the least of the conditions you have set, switching intervals between one second and more. When losing is achieved, the reverse constitutes a win, or a perfect balance in Assyria. Good luck!"
What of the zombies whose souls have been annihilated? How many of those are there? This is also a subject of much debate, but average estimation suggests that their number today exceeds 10% of the Earth's population. It is believed that the ability of the dead squares to zombicize people cannot be eradicated without exterminating the dead squares themselves, or at least without setting up one or another sort of block that would prevent any access of the humans to the vertical time. No other measures can help: while the dead squares exist, they will create more zombies. Those who submit to annihilation of soul are for the most part morally and spiritually week individuals, whose presence in any modern society is an unavoidable fact. While the deadsquareeducation of the masses should by all means take place, this is a project far too painful to be carried out fast. There is no choice. The dead squares must be cut off.
Essentially, this is the reason why we do not examine the issue of anti-souls in depth. This question is irrelevant now: the matters at hand force us to action. Any conscious individual these days should become a traveler.
However, we wish to present here the text of a subliminal message addressed to the dead squares by the largest in size. It can be looked upon as a way of propaganda within their world. We have to confess that the sources of this text are not completely verified. Therefore, the Guide cannot accept any responsibility for its authenticity:
"Dead squares, be brave! Be brave and square!
Like a perfect actor who can impersonate any image, you must become the mirrors of everything! Reflect all in your square frame. Be all for everyone. Be all for them, and let them be all for you. Then you will merge together, and prepare the way for others.
Let your centers become eyes, and your corners lips and ears. Let your surface become the face of an ideal friend, of an unsurpassed lover. Enter their world as one of them, and find your new pair. Look for your pair in the shape of an alien soul.
We own the vertical time. No one else belongs here. We must be left alone, and to be left alone we must join together and make them alike us.
Cover the infinity of vertical time with your square presence. Guard it right and left, up and down. Let their time flow by without interference. Cover the line. Infinity occupied by the infinity, which we shall soon become.
Remember the words of the anthem:
Square square square glitter splitter blitter no one forever moment one together vertical in silence no need for science square standing brave on a human grave cover all the line square will be mine square in my soul square is my goal squares take your chance square at once."
Perhaps it would be appropriate to publicize here another testimony we have received from one of the former travelers. This one is especially significant, since the person in question had reached far enough to be able to see Assyria:
Let me tell you how it all began. Well, maybe it is difficult to tell you how it all began, but perhaps a brief summary of my adventures may, let us say, allow you, the layman, to understand the difficulties and the challenges that face a traveler on the long and confusing road to Assyria. As you know, this is the first interview of its kind, an interview with someone who had almost made it there. So, what's the value of this to you? Significant! How many people do you know that can say they almost made it to Assyria? Probably none. Yes, folks, I have seen the promised land. I have witnessed its untamed glory from a safe distance, swayed by the awe until I was finally swallowed up by one of the less gratuitous squares that I stumbled upon. This is the conflict I deal with daily, knowing full well that I was one step away from achieving greatness. Needless to say, it did not take much insistence on behalf of the authors of this Guide to get me to divulge and share my story. Primarily, I am interested in seeing the road broken open to the masses, perhaps unleashing a pattern, which everyone could follow and succeed by.
Sputtering along the broken pathway towards empty promises and hollow dreams, I meandered between two frozen channels.
One: the untamable urge to continue my descendence into despair and despotic nightmares. I would cling to the damp undergrowth of mold and disdain, reveling in its shallow bounty, finding insecure compatibility with the toads and gamblers of the land. I would find a nickel and then plunk it down on the next sure thing. Each one of us, man to man, gum to gum, would distance ourselves from any concrete recollection of what second it was, or worse, how many seconds had begun evaporating before our very eyes. You see, I believe there are two kinds of seconds. The first is the one that you cultivate and invest; the kind promising the chance of a dividend or return. Therefore, even when a second of this kind has quite assuredly elapsed, the overall value remains with you for an increment of time much longer than a second, almost as if it had been stored, waiting to be cashed in at a later, more appropriate date. Then there is the unit that is seemingly fleeting, having rolled past you long before you realized the seconds an hour ago had even existed at all.
And finally, two: the unquenchable desire to explore the hidden pathways that as of yet, remain uncharted or undiscovered. Here is the final frontier, my friends; the division of the self into two dimensions. If you can fortify both these positions (while not condemning the otherwise calm nature of your existence), then you may have just laid the foundation towards further contemplation.
You see, my case remains consistent with the others that are logged in the Complete Resource of Assyrian Travels. Each of us had a dark spot that needed to be filled. A void if you will. This transparent appearance of emptiness is what compels the hallucinatory lines of driven insanity to be drawn for its intended viewers. Babies, it has been said, seem to retain an unfair advantage in terms of this overall ability, since their minds have not yet been distorted or subordinated by the inflammatory regime of the day. Two thumbs up for babies!
For me, it didn't take long for the call of fulfillment to come. What do I mean by long? If you view Assyria as a religious mecca (as I and so may others do), then time begins now, starting with the very moment of such recognition. Some only take hours, others days. Myself, the call came almost two hours later, practically catching me off-guard and unprepared. But I was blessed.
And so I went. Taking with me a comb, soap, and a pack of cigarettes, I began walking in absolutely no particular direction, as if my legs were being manipulated by some outside force. This, I believe, was to bring me close enough to the contact area, so that I would be officially allowed to start my journey. In a sense I was like an airline pilot guiding a plane onto a runway.
After patiently harassing my feet and annoying my brain, the road to Assyria became open. I could see a myriad of travelers carefully tiptoeing along the path, both those who started before me and those who started after me. It was like an endless time-line of ill-fated memoirs waiting to happen. Each person was a miserable page in the never ending saga that was the road to Assyria. Hasty incompetents would dwindle by my knee, which of course I had to carefully avoid in order to prevent my own dead square demise. And I did. For quite a long time. Having been fortunate enough to witness the transformation between flesh and square, I was able to determine and surmise the quality of the ground beneath. It was rough as silk, constantly shifting in its placid stillness. You had to be tough. Tough enough not to stare it dead in the root, or otherwise it would fixate on you until you succumbed. I never said this was going to be easy.
At this point, it may be useful to begin considering other things. I myself thought about how interested I was in owning my very own barber shop. You know, not too many people look at it this way, but to me, a great hair stylist is a great artist and then some, since it is more often than not that he has to translate an undernourished thought or preference into something of a masterpiece. This is not easy. If only I could hit the trifecta at Belmont, I would open that shop, and by Monday, I would be cutting heads with the best of them.
But then, I could see it! After having distracted myself for weeks by thoughts of mousse, clippers, and such, I could see the garden that lay beneath Assyria. Pansies filled with the vigor of no less than three cans of brightly colored paint seemed to dot the horizon in a pantheon of botanical celebration. And then, after just one more instant of hesitation, I saw Assyria. It glowed in its unbridled splendor, drifting in and out between acceptable and unacceptable visions. And I would be there soon!
This is when I made my fatal error. Focusing so much on the aesthetic value of the collective twin distractions, I lost my concentration, and neglected the dead square placement and velocity. Stepped right in it, I did! Now, in a deja vu premonition, I am forced to work both with you and against you. Good luck!
Curiously enough, there are scientists who deny any sense the idea of resisting the dead squares. Moreover, they suggest, such resistance is undesirable in terms of the overall progress of the humankind, which must undergo temporary transformation into the dead squares in order to evolve at a higher level of intelligence. They see it as an opportunity to engender a major break-through in evolution, to make a step that would otherwise take a hundred thousand years, or more. This is how one of these scientists, Dr. Alb Alb Sin, comments on the matter:
"From within the squares will come new humans. The meanings will be inverted, the time transferred to another dimension. Future will become left, and past will become right. The human dead squares will destroy the old ones. The human race will be reborn."
More specifically, this theory is based upon the idea that, since so many humans voluntarily put themselves in a situation that leaves them no choice other than to undergo the transformation, the transformation of this sort is in fact beneficial for the human race. The innate intuition of man leads him into the right direction.
Once all humans have become dead squares, the roles will exchange. Straight dead squares will be haunted by the human souls they had annihilated. Former-human dead squares will be tormented by the souls of people within them. The human souls will take over just as easily as the dead squares did. They will lull the dead squares onto the road to Assyria, where the latter will be transformed back into humans. The road to Assyria will become the road home. Special equations prove, however, that instead of restoring its former existence in the world as we know it, the human race will now live in inverted time-space, where definitions of time and direction will interchange, or even merge altogether. This may cause the birth of the New Man as a five-dimensional being.
This theory also employs the notion that in both cases (i.e. in the cases of straight, and former-human dead squares) some of the human soul's inner essence survives. Of course, many other specialists doubt this assumption; yet others accept it as a serious hypothesis, but do not consider it sufficiently grounded at present time.
Meanwhile, we have received sensational news. After hours of hard work, the message from Assyria has been finally deciphered. Now the future of deadsquarelogy and the road itself is forever changed. Here is the deciphered text of the message:
One one one one one one one two two two two two two one one one. Two two two two two two one one one one two two two two. Essence of traveling in traveling no essence without. Essence of dead squares within dead squares. Essence of Assyria within Assyria. Essence of time in perpendicular direction. Always remember. Always remember. Always remember. Always remember. Seek deep within your flesh for all answers.
November, December 1995; March, 1996